Taking a gander at what brings you to the Goose

image via
I have never really promoted this blog anywhere, so it's been pretty interesting to see how folks wind up finding it.  The most popular posts have continued to be the Uncle Arthur analyses, with many searches in particular for "Jesus Understood," "The Hollow Pie," and "The Two Carolines."  Judging from the accompanying search terms, it seems there's a whole coterie of individuals who were traumatized by these bedtime stories and who now strive to exorcise their childhood demons via Google search.  "Uncle Arthur horror," "Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories scared me," and "Why Uncle Arthur?," you are not alone!

There's also a large contingent of educators who seem to find the site.  To those looking for "Not Now Bernard lesson plans," "Teaching Itsy Bitsy Spider hand movements," and "Love You Forever classroom activities," I'm afraid I can't help you.  I think you could probably effectively impart the same key life lessons by sitting the kiddos down in a semicircle on a cold concrete floor and having them watch Requiem for a Dream, and then at the end, telling them you're all out of Goldfish and juice for the day.

To the surprising percentage of you seeking out "smother stories," I regret to inform you that this is not a fetish site.  No one here is getting smothered with feather pillows, silk, or various body parts as you seem to so fervently desire-- at least that I know of; I haven't finished going through all the Disney movies yet.  I do sincerely hope you're not looking for smothering instructions for some kind of real-life application-- instead, might I humbly suggest couples counseling?

The most recent bump in page views can be attributed to a sudden upswing in people Googling "David Bowie's crotch."  If my blog was not what you were expecting, crotch-ogling-Googlers, let me direct you to this (SFW) vintage photo of the Thin White Duke.  Since I can't accommodate the other searchers here, I thought I'd at least try to throw you a--ahem--bone. 

Lesson learned:
For those of you looking to actually make "smothered goose," this Emeril recipe sounds quite promising.



    Struwwelpeter is the 19th century German equivalent of Uncle Arthur stories, it seems. The story of the thumbsucker who's thumb is cut off by a tailor was particularly harrowing for my young self and lead to a distrust of tailors for a very long time.

  2. I looked up "where the red fern grows disembowel," wondering whether the book was as screwed up as I remembered. Somehow I ended up on this blog, which is amazingly entertaining. Thanks!

  3. Hey, I got here looking for "Where the Red Fern Grows," too! Buzzfeed just had a page on books that traumatized you as a kid, and one of my jaded friends declared that NONE of the books in the article were traumatizing, except MAYBE "the bit with the axe" In "Red Fern." I had blessedly forgotten that detail and just remembered it as a book where the beloved pets die, but thankfully, this blog has helped me remember everything ELSE that's wrong with that book. I see only one post in 2013. Hope you come back. This is a fun read.

  4. I found this site from a Google search for Uncle Arthur. I was certain that I wasn't the only person traumatized by them. But more specifically, my earliest UABS impression was that the book was messing with my mind. Until then, I didn't know books could do that.

  5. I came here via a Google search on Uncle Arthur. Reading those stories in the dentist office when I was 7 or 8 was my first experience with a book messing with my mind.